Navigating Crisis-Based Conversations with Your Student
As parents, when chaos and confusion erupt, our immediate thoughts are typically:
Is my kid ok? How are my children translating these events? Should I raise the subject? If so, how do I go about it?
And, "How can I respond without further confusing or traumatizing them?
Navigating difficult terrain is all part of the parenting journey. It will never be easy. But in a crisis, it is mission-critical to help kids make sense of what’s happening and manage any anxiety they may be experiencing.
6 tips to help:
While we trust that this information will be helpful in your conversations, please know that this is not a full-proof script, nor will it answer 100% of the questions or topics that could come up. These are helpful prompts and can lead to healthy conversations.
Resources and information from Parent Cue
Sometimes situations and emotions feel bigger than us. In those moments, it’s always a great idea to pray. Spend time encouraging your student to pray, and model to them what that looks like by praying with them.
As you process through the following steps, take time to pray before, during, and after. Pray also for the situation, your student, and others impacted. Pray for peace, wisdom, and the ability to be light in dark times.
If your child’s anxiety doesn’t improve or seems to worsen, seek help.
When faced with speaking to kids about a tragic event, the tendency for most parents is to distract, avoid, or get that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.
Broaching difficult subjects can be challenging for parents who fear that talking about sad things might cause unnecessary harm, but studies indicate the opposite.
Research suggests that in the wake of a traumatizing event, talking to your kids helps them to feel safe. Hearing about or witnessing frightening images and scenes, and not addressing it may cause additional anxiety for kids. So, it’s best to initiate the topic because, chances are, they have already overheard some conversations and may be confused.
In teaching your kids about the world (as scary as it is), you become a trusted source for information and help them cultivate tools needed to become critical thinkers.
Navigating complicated topics such as violence and suicide can be tricky, particularly when speaking to younger kids. Knowledge of your kids’ maturity level, temperament, and how they perceive the world, will serve as your guide.
Your student may have lots of thoughts and questions. Answer honestly. And listen earnestly to what they say no matter how mundane or off-topic. At any age, keep in mind that kids who are highly sensitive will have a tough time absorbing distressing information and may feel a degree of burden. So, use your best judgment and take your cues from your child.
Consider the drip method – just a little bit at a time. Discontinue if you notice an increase in distress.
In preparation for these conversations, here are some potential prompts:
- What do you know/think/feel about what’s happened?
- What are your friends saying about this situation
- This must have been very scary for you. I was scared too. Do you want to talk about it?
- What are some things we can do as a family to help you feel safer?
- That’s a really good question. I don’t know the answer. Maybe we can find out together.
As unpleasant as it might initially be, having difficult conversations with our kids offers a unique opportunity for important discussions. As you share, remember to avoid negatively labeling people, only label behaviors. Emphasize any acts of heroism and how the event is being addressed, either through investigations or preventative measures.
When your student experiences or learns about a tragic event, it’s normal for him or her to feel anxious, overwhelmed, and fearful.
Fear is an intense human emotion. At the heart of fear is a strong desire to avoid any perceived threat to safety. As parents, we have the awesome ability to offer safety.
- Utilize a calm vocal tone and soft facial expressions to help bring calm to your kids’ nervous system.
- Encourage them to share their unpleasant feelings.
- Validate those feelings to create emotional safety.
Initially, they may be reluctant to share, but let them know you are available when they are ready.
Encourage your kids to take their biggest worries and fears to God – their fiercest protector!
Depending on the nature of the event, you may also feel unsettled. Kids are sensitive to their parents’ anxieties, which can intensify their own. If your anger or fear becomes overwhelming, postpone the conversation and connect with your own support system.
Experts are clear. The best person to deliver difficult news to kids is a trusted adult. But in the age of the 24-hour social media use and non-stop phone notifications, our kids often hear stories before we do.
This can be problematic as news delivery has increasingly become sensationalized. An overconsumption of media following a tragic event is linked with increased anxiety.
Limit media and refrain from watching the news coverage or scrolling through social media before bed. Instead
- encourage your student to listen to soft music
- read a funny book or novel
- do breathing exercises (breathe in slowly, count to three, then exhale to a count of three)
Following a crisis, individuals who fare well become laser-focused on the things that matter. Deviating from what is familiar can generate increased anxiety. Maintaining family routines creates a feeling of safety. Engaging in meaningful family activities enhances feelings of stability and improves family bonding.
Following a scary event, all humans, no matter the age, benefit from reassuring words, comfort food, and extra cuddles.
While parenting in the midst of chaos is never guaranteed to be 100% successful, the chances of success are greatly improved when we lean on the support of others.
Deuteronomy 31:8
8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
John 14:27
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Philippians 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Psalm 94:19
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.